Proper verb tense and possible rewrite of paragraph

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My friend suggested that I change the verb tense in the third sentense of this paragraph.  I have included original paragraph, her suggested edits and then a rewrite of the paragraph which may be better.

 

Original
The years 1893, 1894 and 1895 were considered immensely prosperous years for the jewelry industry. A new phenomenon of the “Five and Ten” store provided the ideal venue to sell the less expensive jewelry more than ever before, and the consumer demand surged. This drove the industry to expand and develop new ways of producing goods more efficiently with machinery such as the automatic drop press, screw machines, and chain mesh machines.

 

Suggested Edit By Friend
The years 1893, 1894 and 1895 were considered immensely prosperous years for the jewelry industry. A new phenomenon of the “Five and Ten” store provided the ideal venue to sell the less expensive jewelry than ever before, and the consumer demand surged. This drove the industry into expanding and developing new ways of producing goods more efficiently with machinery such as the automatic drop press, screw machines, and chain mesh machines.

 

My Possible Rewrite

The years 1893, 1894 and 1895 were considered immensely prosperous years for the jewelry industry. More than ever before, consumer demand surged as the new phenomenon of the “Five and Ten” store provided the ideal venue to sell the less-expensive jewelry. This drove the industry to expand and develop modern ways of producing goods more efficiently with machinery such as the automatic drop press, screw machines, and chain mesh machines.

verb rew asked Jul 13 '12 at 18:25 melinda lewis New member

1 answer


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I want to thank both!  This is especially helpful.  As someone with no formal college education (in English) and being Dyslexic, writing has been quite an experience. Especially as I undertake writing a 1000 page book!  

link comment answered Jul 14 '12 at 02:53 melinda lewis New member

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