How can I make this paragraph sound better.

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The entrepreneur can be defined as an employer of productive labor. In Aravind Adiga's White Tiger Balram tries to define himself as an entrepreneur in the terms of Indian Society. It becomes apparent to Balram that his only way out of the caste system as a driver is by becoming an entrepreneur. All of his action, motives, and justification center around Balram's wish to be an Entrepreneur which means he would become one of the many select few of his caste who will become a man.

See example:

In Aravind Adiga's White Tiger, Balram tries to define himself as anentrepreneur in terms of Indian Society.
asked May 24 '12 at 19:13 sophia perry New member

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Aravind Adiga's White Tiger Balram 

Comma missing? What is the subject of "tries"? I can't parse this.

 

tries to define himself as an entrepreneur in the terms of Indian Society. It becomes apparent to Balram that his only way out of the caste system as a driver is

 

to become an entrepreneur. 

 

"by becoming" is grammatically incorrect here, but sorry I can't explain why. 

 

by becoming an entrepreneur.

 

All of his action, motives, and justification center around Balram's wish to be an Entrepreneur << lower case, no caps>> <<insert comma>> which means he would become one of the many select few << "many select few" is an oxymoron>>of his caste who will become a man.

 

Perhaps:

 

In Aravind Adiga's "White Tiger,"  Balram tries to define himself as an entrepreneur in the terms of Indian Society. It becomes apparent to Balram that his only way out of the caste system as a driver is to become an entrepreneur. All of his action, motives, and justification center around Balram's wish to be an entrepreneur, which means he would become one of the select few of his caste who will become a man.

link comment edited May 26 '12 at 00:46 glorrierose New member

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