Wrong word order - can it exist?

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Hi, guys!
I'm translating russian verse now, so I've faced lots of difficulties!


Have a look at this stanza:

Encouraged by love to fly,
I'll straight face the battle with fate.
As was burnt by lightning rye,
I'll fall near you in ash state.

My question is about the third line: may I use wrong word order in passive voice? Shall I put comma somewhere? If you find some awful mistakes - let me know about them! Thanks:)

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