Please check the accuracy of the paragraph below, as I wish to send it in a professional manner
Murray, I am in the process of finishing a short course regarding sports massages, and I would like to ask you for a favour. As I will need to practice on a case study, I would like to give you a complimentary massage. Your body type would be ideal for the practical course component, and it would add an advantage to my skills. I heard that you have a massage room facility at the Stadium, and if we can use it, that would be convenient for you. Ultimately, it would be good to have your feedback. Please let me know if you will do this for me and if you accept my offer, it would be confidential and gentlemen deal Cheers, Rayan
Here are my suggestions:
practise for a case study
I don't like "advantage" but I can't think of a better word - can the others, I wonder? I'd be tempted to simply say "the experience would add to my skills".
the place is called The Stadium? If so, T needs to be capitalised; if not, the S shouldn't.
...and if we could use it, it would be great.
Please let me know if you would accept my offer.
I'd remove the last sentence.
|link comment||edited Apr 11 '12 at 23:32 A Clil To Climb Contributor|
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