word usgae and grammer


How should this sentence be constructed and worded to relay the emotion of fear and admiration?


Perfection radiated with her entrence. Just as her mother did perfect frightened Jamie.

asked Mar 06 '12 at 18:29 Nuzri Thomas New member

1 answer


First off, spell check - spell check - spell check.





Second, I think I understand your meaning hear, but a lack of clarity makes it difficult.  If I read this right, either someone is walking into the room or Jamie is walking into a perfect room.  That person, or that room, is radiating perfection.  Jamie is afraid of perfection as much as Jamie is afraid of her own mother.  With that interpretation in mind, here would be a possible re-write:


(assuming someone walking into the room radiating perfection):


[Insert character name here] radiated perfection as she walked in the room.  [perhaps a description of what you mean by her "perfection."  Is she a neat freak?  Is she that supermodel type?  Is she that complete flawless individual that jealousy makes people despise?  It appears that this information would help]  Jamie shuddered with fear.  She was afraid of perfection.  She was afraid of her mother.


(assuming Jamie walking into a perfect room):


As Jamie entered, the perfection radiated throughout the room.  [again, more detail would help].  Jamie shuddered with fear.  She was afraid of perfection.  She was afraid of her mother.

link comment answered Mar 07 '12 at 17:36 Rik Kluessendorf Contributor

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