please take a look

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Can this be worded a little better? Trying to find something that might be more appealing.

Thanks

See example:

Elite Kicking is about helping the kicker/punter achieve their goals, and become the best they can be.
asked Feb 10 '12 at 16:33 Shane Andrus New member

1 answer


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Two helpful thoughts:

 

One - "kicker/punter," if that term describes two different positions, should not be written this way.  The "/" punctuation is not an appropriate shortcut for the word "or," unless you are speaking in text.  If, however, the position is a single position listed as "kicker/punter," then this is fine.

 

Two - your pronouns do not agree with what they modify.  You talk about "their goals" and the best "they can be."  Whose goals?  The kicker/punter.  You've listed "the kicker/punter" as a single person - something that my first point might help you correct.  If you keep the term as a single person, "their" and "they" are the wrong pronouns because they refer to multiple people.  Even "the kicker or punter" is a singular noun - it is a single person that may be one of two positions.  You're going to have to pick a gender.  I know that sucks, but sometimes you just have to do it.  There are a lot of ways to go about gender choice, but the easiest to read is to make the pronoun gender (a) make sense within context; or (b) if neither makes more sense than the other, use your own gender.  In this context, the male gender makes more sense.  Although I am aware of female kickers and punters, they are less common by far.  Use a masculine pronoun if you keep your subject singular.

link comment answered Feb 10 '12 at 16:57 Rik Kluessendorf Contributor

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