How would I change this sentence so it is not a "confusing modifier"
(My experience with Good Works has made and prepared me to participate for charitable organizations to, ultimately, make the world a better place.)
My experience with Good Works has made and prepared me to participate for charitable organizations to, ultimately, make the world a better place.
Instead of "made and prepared" how about 'encouraged' or 'inspired'?
"[T]o participate for" is not correct, one participates in a specific activity, like a sponsored walk or a charity drive. I would suggest instead 'volunteer', 'work' or 'join in sponsored activities'.
Using the word 'ultimately' in this way has become more popular in recent years, but I would advise against it if you are writing a formal piece. It's one of those expressions that doesn't really add much and formal writing should generally (not always) be as tight as possible. If you do get rid of it, move the comma after 'to' forward in the sentence so that it comes after 'organizations'.
"My experience with Good Works has inspired me to join in sponsored activities for charitable organizations, to play my part in making the world a better place."
|link comment||answered Nov 16 '11 at 10:48 Siân Harris Expert|
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