proofread my paragraph , Please!!!
It has come to our attention that your account in arrears , due perhaps to an oversight on your part or to some temporary pecuniary difficulty. It is long-held policy of this company that clients responsible for bad debts should be denied further access to credit until such time as the overdue amount has been received. In view of this, it would appear imperative that you attend to this matter without further loss of time. Should payment not have been received at the above office, or indeed have been posted to same , within a month of the date hereon, continued credit in this store will be impossible.
Include the word "is" in the first line,
"...your account is in arrears"
Remove the spaces after the words "arrears" (first line) and "same" (just before the last line):
"in arrears, due" and "posted to same, within"
However, stylistically the piece is extrememly formal, to the point of old fashioned. Words like "pecuniary" are now quite unusual and as such may not always be understood. In the days of good customer service and in the interest of receiving full payment, it may perhaps be more effective to use a less authoritarian tone, at least for a first letter.
"It has come to our attention that your account is in arrears. It is company policy that clients in arrears be denied additional credit until the overdue payment is received and the debt is cleared. In view of this, please contact the office above to arrange payment of your outstanding bill immediately. Failure to settle the arrears within one month of the date of this letter will result in the removal of credit status at this store.
We are sure this is just an oversight but if you are having any difficulty in paying your bill, please contact us right away so we can work out payment terms."
I hope that helps get the result you need!
|link comment||answered Aug 16 '11 at 23:20 Siân Harris Expert|
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