Its right the way I wrote?


I want to write in Academic English and I wonder if the text its right

See example:

Jenifer the Paramedica Shantel came to help, and when she tried to help Shantel, Shantel gave the same tip Standing in the stomach, Jenifer falls back and slams his head on the dumpster, resulting in an opening in the head of Jenifer.
asked May 04 '13 at 10:54 Delfino Da Rocha New member

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