Punctuation on variation of a repeated refrain
I should supply you with some background to my question. I am writing a specific kind of poem here where a refrain is repeated three times in the poem.
1.)When the city turned angry cries
2.) When the city turned angry [cries...].
3.)When the city turned (angry cries),
The words are different from what I have here, but the structure is the same.. I am trying to vary the refrain primarily through punctuation and creative use of italics. But I am not entirely sure what I’ve done here is the best grammatical possibility for what I am trying to accomplish.
There is an angry mob here making loud angry cries. The first use of the refrain is part of a longer sentence that follows. In the second instance of the refrain I am trying to communicate that the speaker of the poem is crying- this phrase ends a sentence. In the third instance I am trying to indicate that there is a recollection of the mob in almost a voice-over sense from the first sentence. Any feedback would be very much appreciated!
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