How would you puncuate this sentence?
They are stopping beside me-God! What do I do now? Don’t you move, play dead.
Don't you move, play dead.
It really depends on what kind of writing this is. If you're more interested in projecting the character voice, then conversational sentence structure and more "casual" punctuation (as you have it here) is probably the way to go. The grammatically correct way to write it would eliminate the comma splice by using a semi-colon instead. I don't think that would change the pacing or 'feel' of the line very much at all, whereas a period would break the line up with a definite pause:
"Don't you move; play dead."
(And kudos-- you packed a lot of emotion and story into those three sentences. I'm intrigued!)
|link comment||answered May 13 '11 at 06:40 Collane Ramsey Expert|
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