I've changed this sentence so many times, are there suggestions. Thank you!!
Unfortunately, the face of HIV/AIDS continues to project the young adult and middle aged male/female, rather than include the the older, senior citizen.
The sentence is a bit odd in several ways. I don’t think that “project” is the verb that you want for this sentence, Jules. The face doesn’t project young people. Perhaps the face is that of young people. The use of male/female is not recommended. There are many words to describe people, adults, or individuals, and we already know that they are either male or female. You really only need to point out the sex of people if it is one and not the other. Using both older and senior is redundant. One or the other will suffice. Your sentence ultimately says that it would be more fortunate if AIDS more often afflicted older people. Is that really what you want to say? Thirty years ago, the face of AIDS was largely represented by young gay men. Now it ranges from children to older people, regardless of sex, ethnicity, or orientation. Maybe your intention is to describe the average patient, if there is such a thing.
|link comment||answered Nov 23 '12 at 08:47 Patty T Grammarly Fellow|
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