Question on Faulty Parallelism

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Grammarly says this sentence has faulty parallelism;

"I look forward to hearing from you soon about my interest in this position and thank you for your time and consideration of my letter. "

It is the closing on a Letter of Interest for an open Position at my current employer. Please review the sentence and let me know if it needs to be revised.

Thanks in advance

Ike

See example:

I look forward to hearing from you soon about my interest in this position and thank you for your time and consideration of my letter.
asked Nov 17 '12 at 15:42 dwight Welsh New member

Would it sound better like this.

"I look forward to hearing from you soon, and thank you for your time and consideration. "

dwight WelshNov 17 '12 at 17:32

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1 answer


1

This should be two sentences, Dwight.  The construction you have here says, "I look forward to this and that."  In other words, I look forward to this and I look forward to that.  You don't look forward to thanking the reader. 

 

I would delete "of my letter" from the end.  You want the reader to consider you for the position, not your letter.  I would also delete "about my interest in this position" from the first sentence.  There is nothing grammatically wrong here.  When you hear from the person, it will be about your interest in the position.  It won't be about the weather or the price of tea in China.  You've stated the obvious.  I prefer being as concise as possible when writing a business letter.  It tells the reader, "I value your time." 
 

I look forward to hearing from you soon.  Thank you for your time and consideration.

link answered Nov 17 '12 at 16:41 Patty T Grammarly Fellow

Thank you for your input Patty,

I will re-do the closing.

Ike

dwight WelshNov 17 '12 at 17:31

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