Please check for wordy phrases
Faced with no choice, he is spreading embarrassing tales about your daughter in whispers to all and sundry for he knew his opinion of your daughter is the same as her own. The routine activities of him is as follows: He parks his car a few yards from the entrance of your gate to your house, ducks his head in the car with one eye on the half open door for he knew if any of you people sees him, he will be a duck dead.
I think there should be a semi-colon or period after sundry in the first sentence. Otherwise, the words aregenerally okay in terms of wordiness, but they are confusing to me. Why is he faced with no choice but to gossip? Is someone forcing him to speak? He has no choice to spread embarrassing stories and stalk this girl? Usually there is a very simple alternative choice (to be polite and respectful of privacy), so the “faced with no choice” doesn’t sound right to me. Maybe he felt he had no choice, which is different than being faced with no choice. Also, it also doesn’t make much sense to me that the daughter shares his opinion. This seems to say that the daughter wants him to spread rumors in whispers about her, which is doubtful.
“The routine activities of him is” should be “his routine activities are.” This corrects for both wordiness (his subject is shorter than the subject of him) and the wrong form of the verb.
The first word after a colon is not capitalized unless it is a proper noun. You are not starting a new sentence.
The gate to a house is a sort of entrance, so saying both entrance and gate is redundant. I would delete entrance of your.
Like in the first sentence, I would put a semi-colon or period before the word “for” in the last sentence.
“Any of you people sees” has a couple problems. Any of you is treated as a plural amount of people, so the verb should be see. “You people” is often viewed as a derogatory phrase. It probably should be either any of you or any people, but not both unless you intend to show a negative feeling there.
The idiom is dead duck, not duck dead.
|link||answered Nov 08 '12 at 06:09 Patty T Grammarly Fellow|
I am unfortunately faced with no choice but to inform you of some unpleasant news. He is spreading embarrassing and sundry tales about your daughter through whispers, because he knows that your daughter’s town shares his opinion of your daughter. His routine activities are as follows: he parks his car a few yards from the entrance gate to your house, and he ducks his head inside the car, keeping one eye on your half-open door. He knows that if any of you see him, then he will be a dead duck.
I hope it helps.
|link||answered Nov 08 '12 at 05:01 Koshik Contributor|
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