weird sentence

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I have this sentence and it just sounds weird! Can you help

See example:

He has learned that no one will accept him, but, he feels that if there was someone else who looked just as he did, then that individual would truly love and accept him.
asked Oct 29 '12 at 20:13 Emily Depatie New member

1 answer


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There are a few unnecessary words in that sentence that could be taken out to create a more fluid sentence. Take out "has," that extra comma after "but," "there was," and "who." Then change "feels" to "felt." You need to make sure to keep your tenses the same throughout the entire sentence, or it can kill the whole thing.

 

Result:

"He learned that no one would accept him, but he felt that if someone else looked just as he did, then that individual would truly love and accept him."

 

Unless the story is all in present tense. In that case, leave "has" and "feels" the same while changing "would" to "will," "looked" to "looks," and "did" to "does."

 

Result:

"He has learned that no one will accept him, but he feels that if someone else looks just as he does, then that individual will truly love and accept him."

 

Also, what do you mean by "looked just as he did?" That part doesn't make sense to me, but it could just be because it's out of context. Do you mean if he found someone who looked exactly like him physically, then he could be loved?

link comment answered Oct 30 '12 at 15:16 Lindsey New member

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