I am really afraid to hear about your failure in the first-year degree. I wonder how this has happened. You have always been a brialliant student and I can hardly believe this shocking news. There might be something wrong in the evaluation process.
Don't lose your heart. You must study hard this time and take this failure as a stepping stone to your future success. I am sure you will come out with flying colours this time.
Self-edited: You have always been a brialliant student all along, and I can hardly believe this shocking news.
You must study hard and admit this failure as a stepping stone to your future success.
Any other suggestions?
Personally, Sanjay, I liked it better before the edits. To say "You have always been a brilliant student all along" is redundant. The second is more of a personal preference, but I would use either "take", as in the original, or "accept."
Some other changes I would make are also personal preferences and some are definitely mistakes. The former are first:
"Brilliant" is misspelled. Lose the first A.
You were correct when you added the comma. There should be one before the "and" in the third sentence.
It looks like you've been inconsistent with the number of spaces that follow periods. I can't be sure without copy-pasting, but there might only be one space between the second and third sentences and two elsewhere. I do this all the time as I've recently decided that I prefer using only one space between sentences, but my thumbs haven't quite caught up with my convictions, and occasionally they slip in an extra space.
I don't think the word "afraid" quite makes sense in the first sentence. Perhaps: I was sorry to hear
I might find a softer way to say "failure." Perhaps: "lack of success" for the first and "experience" for the second.
"Don't lose your heart" makes sense, but typically this idiom is simply "Don't lose heart." "Heart" here is synonymous with "Courage."
Hope this helps!
|link||edited Oct 15 '12 at 09:31 mysticete Contributor|
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