Please check(self-edited)
Thank you for the prompt execution of our order No-127 of 12th July, 2009. However, we regret to inform you that your consignment of goods has been unsatisfactory.
The steel furniture delivered yesterday didn’t have the desired finish and look. Moreover, the tables and Almirahs were badly damaged. There are some scratches on their tops and sides. To resolve the problem, I request you to either refund the full amount of the purchase price or get the problem fixed asap. I would like to return the consigned goods for a full refund of the purchase price. Please contact me at the above address by phone within a week to arrange a convenient time for me to return the goods and collect my refund.
Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
(self-edited)
Thank you for the prompt execution of our order No-127 of 12th July, 2009. However, we regret to inform you that your consignment of goods has been unsatisfactory.
The steel furniture delivered yesterday didn’t have the desired finish and look. Moreover, the tables and Almirahs were badly damaged.
“We appreciate your willingness to deliver tables and Almirahs’ yesterday. Unfortunately, it arrived with some damage. There are some scratches on their tops and sides.”
To resolve the problem, I request you to either refund the full amount of the purchase price or get the problem fixed or get the problem fixed asap. I would like to return the consigned goods for a full refund of the purchase price. ----> “To refresh your memory of the details of my purchase, I have enclosed copies of my sales receipt and the warranty card. I look forward to receiving the check soon. I need the money or the problem to be fixed by next Monday.”
Thank you for your cooperation and understanding in this matter. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
sanjay
Expert
2 answers 
Sanjay,
I don't like the part where you say: I look forward to receiving the check soon.
You are taking the choice of either repair or refund out of the vendor's hand. Be firm -- you want the problem fixed. But don't demand. They may choose to send a replacement. Or they may choose to have the furniture refinished. You should firmly emphasize the need to fix the problem, but not dictate how.
I hope this helps.
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answered Oct 12 '12 at 19:09
Jeff Pribyl
Grammarly Fellow
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Thank you so much, sir.
add comment"Some damage" and "badly damaged" are two different things. Actually, I like the first five sentences of the original version better. It is much more clear and business-like.
The next part is confusing in both the original and the edited version. In the original, it states that solution A or B is acceptable, states that the preference is B, then continues as if B is the only option. What happened to A? In the edited version, you make a leap from "here is my warranty card" to looking forward to getting the check. Then you double back to say they can send you a check or fix it.
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answered Oct 12 '12 at 15:10
Patty T
Grammarly Fellow
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Thank you so much.
“To refresh your memory of the details of my purchase, I have enclosed copies of my sales receipt and the warranty card. I need the money or the problem to be fixed by next Monday.”I think the meaning is clear. I will retain the first five sentence of the original version. Thank you in advance.
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