Please check(Self-edited)
With reference to your advertisement in "The Times of India" dated 11th November, 1999, I offer my candidature for the post of a secondary teacher in the school run by your esteemed trust.
I am an arts graduate from the University of Mumbai. I did my B.Ed. course from Indira Gandhi National Open University, New Delhi. I passed with a first class and an "A" grade in practicals. I have completed my entire schooling in the English language. I can fluently speak English. My favourite hobbies are music and reading autobiographies. I have participated in a number of curricular and extra-curricular activities during my school and college days.
I have enclosed the copies of my testimonials with this application. I shall be happy if you give me an opportunity for an interview so that I may furnish you with more details.
Self -Edited
With reference to your advertisement in "The Times of India" dated 11th November, 1999, I offer my candidature for the post of a secondary teacher in the school run by your esteemed trust.--> “Concerning your advertisement in "The Times of India" dated 11th November, 1999, I wish to appy for a position of secondary teacher in your trust school.”
I am an arts graduate from the University of Mumbai. I did my B.Ed. course from Indira Gandhi National Open University, New Delhi. I passed with a first class and an "A" grade in practicals.---> "I hold a bachelor’s degree from Mumbai University. I did my B.Ed. course from Indira Gandhi National Open University, New Delhi. I passed with a first class and an "A" grade in practicals."
I have completed my entire schooling through English medium. I can fluently speak English.----> "I studied my schooling in English-medium/in the English language and have an excellent communication skills."
My favourite hobbies are music and reading autobiographies. I have participated in a number of curricular and extra-curricular activities during my school and college days.-------> “My interests are listening to music and reading autobiographies of famous personalities. I have participated in many curricular and extra-curricular activities during my school and college days.”
I have enclosed the copies of my testimonials with this application. I shall be happy if you give me an opportunity of an interview so that I may furnish you with more details. -------> "I have enclosed the copies of my testimonials for your review. Please let me know as soon as possible when we can meet for an interview to discuss mutual interests. Thank you for your time, and I look forward to your response."
OR
"Please let me know as soon as possible when I could come to your office for an interview. Thank you for your prompt consideration."
sanjay
Expert
2 answers 
Great advice from mysticete. On a mechanical note, here are the recommended style conventions regarding capitalization of academic degrees and abbreviations thereof.
bachelor of arts
bachelor of education
BA
BEd
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answered Oct 09 '12 at 07:40
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Thank you.
add commentSanjay, to make organization easier, I've listed your changes as 1 - 5.
1: Your edit reads well to me, but what is a "trust school"?
2: Your changes leave out that the first degree is in arts. Also, I would be consistent in abreviation. Perhaps:
I hold a B.A. from Mumbai University and a B.Ed. from Indira Gandhi National Open University, New Delhi. I passed the latter with a First Class and achieved an "A" grade in practicals.
or a "Bachelor of Arts" and a "Bachelor of Education"
3. The author did not study schooling. (Well, technically, he did if he has a B.Ed. but that's not what you mean.) Say this instead:
I completed my education entirely in English and am proficient/fluent in the language.
4. In these parts, it would be very unnusual to receive a list of the prospective employee's interests. Is this a cultural difference? or was this requested in the advertisement? Regardless, I enjoy listening to music and reading autobiographies, reads better, I think. The "of famous personalities" is unnecessary and cumbersome. The next sentence is correct, but without explaining what sort of activities it doesn't really add any information. It could mean that you smoked a lot of pot and raised a pet tarantula.
5. I would use your first option, removing only "to discuss mutual interests." That phrase sort of makes it sound as if you're responding to a personals ad. And you're a robot. :)
All in all, great job, Sanjay. Keep up the good work.
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answered Oct 09 '12 at 05:13
mysticete
Contributor
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Thank you so much.
A school which is run by a trust. (A trust includes 10 to 12 directors)
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