Can someone revise this sentence?
I would like to improve these sentence to make it sound more professional.
"Those who have previous experience with an individual with a psychological disorder."
I feel that "with an individual with" could be improved.
Also, I rather not use the word "suffering from" because this is an essay on stigma.
Thank you in advance.
This is only a clause Eduardo, not a sentence. It is difficult to rewrite because I am unsure who "those" refers to. Is it a person who has lived with a person with mental illness? Perhaps it is an employer or a health care provider? What is the rest of the sentence that will be attached to this clause? Give us a little more to go one & I'll try to help you reword it.
|link||answered Oct 04 '12 at 04:05 Patty T Grammarly Fellow|
Eduardo, you can magically transform this clause by simply changing the first with to of.
Those who have previous experience of an individual with a psychological disorder . . . etc.
Going a stage further, you might also consider pluralizing thus:
Those who have previous experience of individuals with a psychological disorder . . . etc.
It was the with-with factor causing the niggling feeling.
|link comment||answered Oct 04 '12 at 08:00 Peter Guess Expert|
The full sentence that you put in the comments is very wordy with a lot of the same words repeated. When I see something overly wordy, I try to break it down (in a very elementary way) to the basic idea that needs to be said. These people have a lower mean of scaled avoidance than those people. Then I build it back up.
Instead of individual with a psychological disorder, can you say a mentally ill person? It is much more concise.
Lower mean of scaled avoidance feels like a double negative to me. They have a less negative reaction = they have a more positive reaction. Since you have to talk about scaled avoidance, you might consider flipping the sentence on its head and say that the people who have no experience have a higher mean of scaled avoidance.
To describe the people who are opposite (experience vs. no experience) you don’t have to spell it all out with the whole long phrase.
Participants claiming no prior experience with a mentally ill person have a higher mean of scaled avoidance toward schizophrenic individuals than those who have previous familiarity.
|link comment||edited Oct 04 '12 at 19:07 Patty T Grammarly Fellow|
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