I have made multiple attempts to fix this sentance, as I am getting an error, which states the use of squinting modifiers.
A story injected with subtle feelings of concern as Mrs. Mallard struggles between the determination to preserve her disappointing marriage, and slowly emerging as a lost soul.
Anne, I'm not sure where the squinting modifier comes into the picture here (the slowly was perhaps identified), but there are one or two other problems. Firstly, this sentence has neither a subject nor a main verb. You can solve this simply by adding This is at the beginning.
Secondly, there is a parallelism error: the two things that she is struggling with should be expressed using the same grammatical structure – in this case, a noun phrase.
. . . her determination . . .
. . . her slow emergence . . . (I suggest gradual)
Additionally, you should use the the preposition with instead of between (the "betweenness" is clear) and remove the comma after marriage as the and is simply coordinating the two elements of the compound object.
This is a story injected with subtle feelings of concern as Mrs. Mallard struggles with the determination to preserve her disappointing marriage and her gradual emergence as a lost soul.
|link comment||edited Oct 01 '12 at 08:03 Peter Guess Expert|