How to restructure this sentence

1

Any suggestions?

See example:

According to the AACN the average age of RNs right now is 55 and with retirement alone will create a 30% increase annually in the number of nursing students needed to replace them AACN, 2008).
asked Sep 15 '12 at 21:36 Vicki Roland New member

5 answers


1

If you're going to source the statistics at the end, you needn't also source it at the beginning. Also, the "with" should be removed and the second thought should either begin a new sentence, or at very least get a comma before the "and". Also, you need an opening parenthese at the end. 

 

The average age of RNs right now is 55, and retirement will increase the number of nursing students needed to replace them by 30% every year (AACN, 2008).

link answered Sep 15 '12 at 21:50 mysticete Contributor

Sourcing the information twice is not black and white. It depends upon the citation style being followed and the context. Some argue that the citation in the text is more reader friendly and should be done at times (but not every time). Some style guides say you can drop the second AACN (but not the date) while others require a full citation every time.

Jeff PribylSep 15 '12 at 21:59

add comment
1

You may not need the definite article before the initialism AACN (it depends upon what the abbreviation stands for). You need a comma after it (introductory gerund phrases need to end with commas, regardless of length).. "Right now is"  and awkward -- perhaps "now is". "with retirement alone" is a parenthetical phrase and needs to be enclosed with commas.

 

"30% increase annually" Annually is an adverb and wants to be placed closer to the verb it modifies -- will create. On the other hand, its placement suggests that you want the adjective form, annual -- as in, 30% annual increase. Note; these choices result in sentences with slightly different meanings. You need to pick and rewrite your sentence accordingly.

 

"needed to replace them" is awkward. I don't know that "needed for replacement" is any better, but ....

 

Your citation needs to be fully enclosed.

 

According to AACN, the average age of RNs is now 55 and, with retirement alone, will create a 30% annual increase  in the number of nursing students needed for replacement (AACN, 2008).

link comment answered Sep 15 '12 at 21:56 Jeff Pribyl Grammarly Fellow
-1

Ferromagnetism is a property of iron, nickel, cobalt and some compounds and alloys of these elements.

link comment answered Apr 13 at 06:59 Oniel Cross New member
-1

Ferromagnetism is a property of iron, nickel, cobalt and some compounds and alloys of these elements.

link comment answered Apr 13 at 07:00 Oniel Cross New member
-1

Ferromagnetism is a property of iron, nickel, cobalt and some compounds and alloys of these elements. It was thought that to create a magnetic fluid one might heat the metal until it becomes molten, but this strategy did not work as ferromagnetism disappears above a certain temperature called the Curie point, which is invariably well below the melting point of the material. A magnetic fluid, better known as ferrofluid, consists of kinetically stabilized ultramicroscopic ferro or ferrimagnetic particles coated with a monomolecular layer of surfactant and colloidally dispersed in a magnetically passive liquid. Under the influence of an external magnetic field, such a fluid exhibits a large magnetization and as soon as the field is removed, the fluid attains its zero magnetization state at once since each particle possesses a giant magnetic moment when compared with paramagnetic particles, such a medium is called superparamagnetic i.e. having zero remanence and coercivity.

link comment answered Apr 13 at 07:00 Oniel Cross New member

Your answer


Write at least 20 characters

Have a question about English grammar, style or vocabulary use? Ask now to get help from Grammarly experts for FREE.