It is with great pleasure that I inform you that my brother is getting engaged on Febrauary 16,2012 at Taj's Palace's crystal room at 6pm. I request you to come with your family to grace the occasion. My whole family is very eagerly awaiting your arrival. I am sure you will not disappoint us.
I have several issues with your paragraph -- several we have discussed in the past. I'll take them in order of complexity.
"Crystal Room" should be capitalized.
Starting a sentence with "it" is considered passive, weak, and potentially ambiguous. Perhaps: "I take great pleasure in informing you ..."
As discussed before, your brother is not getting engaged at the event. He got engaged when his fiancee agreed to the marriage (unless this a marriage arranged by the families). In either case, the getting engaged is a private event. You are inviting people to a celebration honoring that engagement. Perhaps: "... inform you that we will be celebrating my brother's recent engagement on ...."
As discussed before, "I request you" is a polite order. You don't want an invitation to seem like an order. Perhaps: "Please come with your family and grace the occasion."
As discussed before, "I am sure you will not disappoint us" places blame on the invitee if they cannot attend. You do not want to imply that your guest might be discourteous. Instead, you want to carry the disappointment on your own shoulders. Perhaps: "We will be disappointed if you cannot attend."
I hope this helps.
|link||answered Sep 05 '12 at 16:45 Jeff Pribyl Grammarly Fellow|
Sanjay, until this morning, I couldn't quite put my finger on how to summarize the unease I feel over some of your phrases. A novel I just finished reading helped me to understand -- a theme of the novel involved the conflict between American middle class values and traditional European culture.
America likes to view itself as a classless (or casteless) society. While that is not entirely true, most Americans view themselves as social equals ... and our use of language tends to reflect that view. Traditional British society is viewed as being highly stratified and class conscious (although that too is changing).
The language you have chosen for your invitation, rather than reflecting a social equality between host and guest, carries a slight sense of the host being the social superior and the guest being a social inferior.
I am sure that this not what you mean. Thus my suggestions.
|link||answered Sep 05 '12 at 18:25 Jeff Pribyl Grammarly Fellow|
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