How can I reword this sentence

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It will show how America learned it could maintain its technological superiority over the Russians and at the smae time make a gesture of international and universal solidarity.

asked Sep 04 '12 at 23:21 Elizabeth Cooper New member

1 answer


1

You are using the same pronoun to refer to two different things.  One of those is America and the other is some unknown thing I assume is from a previous sentence.  What is the first it referring to?  This seems like part of an introductory paragraph with it referring to the paper itself.  If so, that isn’t necessary.  Just make the statement without telling us that you are going to make the statement.  Direct statements make for a much stronger introduction.  The reader assumes that the rest of the paper is going to do the showing with evidence that supports the introduction (or theory) that you started with.  There is no need to announce that.

 

I wonder, is your paper really going to show how America learned something, or how doing something worked well for America?  How we learn is by looking at what has already happened.  But I suspect that your paper isn’t a discussion of the learning process.  Instead, keep the statement on track with what is going to be discussed. 

 

Regarding the names of the countries.  For consistency, either use the name of the country or the name for the citizens – America and Russia, or Americans and Russians.  Also, depending on the time frame discussed, determine if you mean Russia or the Soviet Union.

 

International and universal is a bit redundant for me.

 

America was able to offer a gesture of international solidarity with Russia while maintaining technological superiority.  

link comment answered Sep 05 '12 at 02:10 Patty T Grammarly Fellow

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