Is the writing style okay?

1

What better way can we write the matter given below? I am ignorant whether I should ask anything other than grammar here. Any help?

See example:

"Building up trust in any relationship begins with self-confidence firstly. Secondly, honesty. Trust your heart and all that you have in it. It's extremely beneficial to know each other's needs and expectations. It helps in understanding each other to a considerable extent.

 

 

Communications must be exceptionally strong to avoid confusions and frustrations.


Responsiveness is a powerful key to strengthen a relationship further."

edited Aug 09 '12 at 15:44 Sush New member

2 answers


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We often talk about style here.  Grammarly has described this forum as a “Q&A site on English grammar and usage.”  It would be pretty boring if we could only talk about strict grammar rules.  That’s what http://handbook.grammarly.com is for, I think.

 

I’d drop the word firstly.  Generally, we just say firstFirstly is archaic and not commonly used.  Also, begins with firstly is redundant.  The thing it begins with is obviously first.

 

Next, you note that honesty is second.  But then you are all over the map.  The third sentence seems to relate to the first (trust your heart = self-confidence).  The fourth and fifth sentences move onto a completely different point, knowing and understanding each other.  The sixth sentence sort of relates to the previous two  - avoiding confusion is similar to understanding.  The last sentence introduces yet another unrelated point, responsiveness.  This whole passage appears to be a list of characteristics needed for successful relationships.  Trust, self-confidence, honesty, understanding, communication, and responsiveness.  You have slightly expanded upon some of them, and merely mentioned others.  I am not sure what sort of writing this is part of, but you probably want to do one or the other.  Either make a list or expand upon all of them.  With the latter, each characteristic could have its own paragraph or at least show how they relate to each other.

 

The second to last sentence has three nouns that should not be made into plurals.  Communication can be made into a plural form, but that indicates a number of very specific instances of communication.  Rather, communication without the s can mean the ongoing process of communicating with each other.  There is no plural for confusion or frustration.   

link answered Aug 09 '12 at 16:24 Patty T Grammarly Fellow

Very well explained. Great job! ma'am.

sanjayAug 09 '12 at 17:02

I realize now,there is so much to learn.Thanks for your valuable tips.

SushAug 10 '12 at 06:23

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Adding to Patty's excellent comments:

 

I would say "building" rather than "building up".Prepositions such as up and down are considered redundant when they follow certain other words -- it is not necessary to say climb up, flow down, build up, etc. when the meaning of climb, flow, and build is clear.

 

The prepositional phrase "to a considerable extent" is being used as an adverb modifying the verb "helps", but it is too far removed from the verb for easy reading. Consider rewrite to move the phrase closer to the verb.

link answered Aug 09 '12 at 17:58 Jeff Pribyl Grammarly Fellow

Thanks a lot for the help.

SushAug 10 '12 at 06:26

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