correct grammar

-1

The development of core program in various departments of school allowed more flexible free time tor students to explore and socialize in other subjects such as arts, music, and drama.

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The development of the core program in various department of school allowed more flexible free time for a student to explore and socialize in other subjects such as arts, music and drama.
asked Aug 05 '12 at 22:48 Oyet J.Bongomin New member

5 answers


2

You have two versions of the same sentence. What you get wrong in one version, you correct in the other version -- and vice versa. Can you pick out those two items by comparing the versions?

 

In both versions, the definite article "the" is required before "school".

 

In any case, this is a long sentence. You may wish to restructure your sentence or make some elements more concise to mitigate its length. For instance, "departments of the school" could be "school's departments". Does "and socialize" really belong in this sentence? Are they "socializing" in those subjects? I ask, because your sentence says they are. Consider dropping the phrase or rewriting. Perhaps:

 

The development of a core program in the school's various departments allowed more flexible free time for a student to socialize or explore other subjects such as arts, music and drama.

link edited Aug 05 '12 at 23:31 Jeff Pribyl Grammarly Fellow

What an explanation, Sir! I am going to up-vote you.

sanjayAug 06 '12 at 05:16

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2

The core program indicates that there is only one core program.  Do the various departments all use the same core program? 

 

The phrase free time for students doesn’t usually include the time they are taking classes.  Most schools use the term electives for classes that aren’t part of a core program.  Free time is when they aren’t in class.  I think you probably mean that it has given them more flexibility in scheduling electives.

 

I’m going to make a guess about the usage of socialize.  Do you mean that the students will meet others that they wouldn’t otherwise meet in their core classes?

 

If the school has classes in art, music, and drama, wouldn’t those classes be in one of the various departments mentioned earlier?  An art student might want to take a business class as an elective, right?

 

The development of a core program for each department has given students more flexibility to schedule electives.  This provides for the opportunity to explore additional subjects and meet more fellow students.  

link answered Aug 05 '12 at 23:44 Patty T Grammarly Fellow

I really love your explanation. I will up-vote you, ma'am.

sanjayAug 06 '12 at 05:15

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0

this is good news our earnings for last year were much higher

link comment answered Mar 06 '13 at 20:55 abdullah abdulhadi New member
0

The king has told that to do not show his face for a week. so he put a mud pot over his head.

link comment answered Aug 17 '13 at 10:41 d.vedavathi New member
-2

                                               The Worst Date

    It was six years ago I downloaded a chat site. I never believed in falling in love with

someone through a computer. This chat site was for me to use to stay out of trouble

during a difficult time. The sight allowed members to play music and talk to others from

all over the world. There was this one DJ that intrigued me the most. I would go and

watch his shows all the time. Now, just by the sight of this guy he was not anything I

normally would go for.

      We started chatting and he wanted to help me fix my sounds so I could become a DJ

also. From that day on we spent many hours chatting. He was also a musician and would

play and sing guitar to me on webcam. We watched many horror movies and spent many

hours on the telephone. The usage on my cell phone was 37,000 minutes a month, that is

11.5 days straight of talking. Although this guy remained very mysterious I was still

intrigued. Four months into it he would still call from an unavailable number, I just figured

he was being careful getting to know me.

          As time went on I started to find out more and more about the man I was falling in

love with. He was a man of great charisma and looked to be about 6 foot tall with Dark

Black hair, definitely a Rocker. He claimed his name was Dadrian, and he was 39 years old

from Virginia. After two and a half years of staring at one another through a computer, I

needed some answers. It just so happened that my cousin in Virginia was not in good

health and asked me if I would like to come down for 6 months and stay and help her. So,

I packed up my belongings and put everything in storage.

      After being in Virginia for two months and many phone calls of tears wondering why

my soul mate, my man of my dreams had not come yet, He calls me one day and said he

was one block away with no warning. I was in shock and very distressed, all my clothes

were dirty !I needed a shower !Rushing causes me terrible anxiety on top of him being one

block away, I was freaking out ! When he showed up at my doorstep, I was shaking and in

complete shock. I said to myself is this the man I am truly in love with? He looked as if he

needed a step ladder to get out of that big truck. This guy appeared to be a resemblance of

what he looked like on cam. There was many differences though. He had light brown

scraggly hair, stood 5 " 7' and was dressed like a redneck from the woods. I said to

myself, Where is my Rocker!! He had some dingy jeans and a shirt that looked like it was

from the store Chess King Back in the 1980's.Although I was extremely happy he had

shown , I was just extremely scared and overwhelmed because of the love I held inside.

       We drove around conversing for a while as both of our nerves were still on fire from

the initial meet. We decided to go get something to eat and I told him I would like to go

to a Thai food restaurant. He was a chicken wing and pizza type of guy but he said he

liked spicy foods so we went where I wanted to go. I stared into his eyes all throughout

dinner thinking this is my true love. When the food came out he was full of jokes about the

food and decided to eat a whole 2 Chile peppers. His face starting to turn red immediately

and I was laughing very hard. He thought he was so cool, goes to show those peppers

were no joke. It pretty much hurt his whole stomach so he could not enjoy the rest of the

meal. He was a gentlemen and paid for the dinner.

      After dinner we decided to find a place to go sing some karaoke he was just dying to

show me he was truly talented in person. On the way to the karaoke bar we passed a little

rose bush and he picked me a rose. These memories I would hold in my heart forever. We

went into the karaoke bar and sang a song each, indeed he was truly a great singer I was

very impressed. I never wanted the night to end but after our one song it happened to be

1:00 am and he had a long drive ahead so we decided to call it a night. When he dropped

me off he walked me up to my door we had heard a sound which I thought it was

fireworks not knowing my surroundings. It was not fireworks it was a gun firing off at the

end off my street and pretty much ruined the mood but he kissed me on the cheek like you

would kiss your grandmother. I wondered to myself if he liked me or not.

    He called me the next day like nothing ever happened like he was still in love with me.

We were making plans to go to a lynyrd skynyrd concert but 2 days later he got extremely

hurt. It was 2 months of no phone calls that much because he was in severe pain dragging

himself on the floor and in bed on pain medications. My days seem to go by so slow

without him and the sadness that I held was incredible because this accident made it so he

couldn't drive. By this time my cousin which I had went there to take care of was off her

pain pump, feeding tube and pic line. She was walking again and cooking and cleaning for

her husband again, So I knew it was time for me to go back to NY my duties to my cousin

were accomplished and my chances of seeing him at this point again were not good.

     That 6 hours I spent with him would have to last me until the next time we could meet

up.5 years after I found out that his delay to coming to see me was because he was still 

married, his morals got in the way. He was a Christian man and did not feel appropriate if

he had cheated. Also ,found out his name was not Dadrian it was Camm and his age  

wasn't 39 he was much older. His kids name was not Josh it was Dawson and the wife was

not Barb it was Buffy. So after all these lies I said to myself why ? I knew him as a person

inside and out but the small details were all mixed up. We still remain the best of friends

and know we love each other and I have not been able to find another man datable.

     I did learn a big valuable lesson from this though. If I were to start all over with someone else I could never choose to fall in love again online. The lies the distance and

the many nights of crying. I just want to meet a man who is from around here and

understands all this but I have tried dating a few and it never works out. I  often  wonder if

two people like us were made to be with each other but the time is not right .I myself am

in college with no license and am 23 months sober with no driver's license and he is now

divorced after all this finally and plays his music out in bars but remains 20 years sober. I

wonder if our day will ever come. I hope that our day will end with us being married and

me moving to Virginia. But alls I can say is in Due time, There will come a day, our love

will never go away.  

link answered Feb 16 '13 at 03:39 leighann New member

Member unhelpfully posts an unrelated comment, flagrantly advertises his/her trashy prose, and then gets rewarded 'Hero of the day' for hefty comment contribution: what complete non-sense. Please, remove your post, and save yourself some embarrassment.

Iain SutherlandFeb 16 '13 at 09:11

Okay, I concede that may have been a little harsh, "rubbish prose" is not an entirely faithful analysis of your post. I am brash at times: I'm working on it. Will you forgive my outburst?

Leighann, I did take time to read your prose--which must mean a lot to you, since you posted it here--and I respect your motives. Congratulations on your sobriety--and do hang in there--it is my sincere wish that those congratulations will one day be your felicitation.

If you are seeking critique and encouragement, I suggest joining a blogging community (wordpress.com has a particularly vibrant community), these communities provide wonderful seeding grounds for the musings-of-the-mind. Writing.com has daily prose competitions, and there are many creative corners of the web where writers would delight to run their eyes over your submissions. Do keep this site for grammar questions only.

Sincerely,

Iain Sutherland.--P.s. If you start a blog I offer to follow your progress: one always needs support when starting a new venture!

Iain SutherlandFeb 16 '13 at 09:40

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