Please review the Academic Involvement Essay


I have made a rough draft. I would hughly appreciate your time and patience, if you could make it mire appealing.

The undergraduate curriculum in Marine Engineering introduced me to a wide
gamut of subjects like Thermodynamics, Fluid Mechanics, Heat Transfer and
various areas which covered Mechanical Engineering, Electrical Engineering,
Naval Architecture and Ship Construction. I performed consistently well in all
subjects and passed out with CGPA of 9.8 out of 10 from Tolani Maritime
Institute, Off campus BITS, Pilani, which ranked Number 1 in Asia and Middle
East. I was lucky enough to be honored with academic scholarships in every
semester; which motivated and encouraged me to perform even better. Out of 8
semesters, I secured the perfect GPA of 10 in 5 semesters consecutively and
received a gracious token 5 times for that. I was responsible for tutoring
first year students in Engineering Mathematics and conducting tests and
correcting them for helping them improve in their examination.

In the final year, all top ranked 10 percent students must submit a research
based project in partial fulfillment of the requirements of Bachelor of Science
Marine Engineering. I made a project report on "Recent Development in Container
Ship Building and Propulsion System Design for the Smaller Draft of Indian
Ports" as per the requirement. I designed a container ship for the draft of 7 m
and calculated the total resistance, power required to propel the vessel,
stability of the vessel and cost analysis. C (plus, plus) program added for
detailed analysis for any size of the ship. I was awarded the BEST PROJECT
certificate for the same and secured grade A.

In the final year final semester, I completed the internship on board the
vessel M.T. Stena Concert owned by Stena Bulk, Sweden. I stayed on board the
vessel for 20 weeks and assisted in day to day operational activities and
maintenance of propulsion and auxiliary machineries. I made a project report on
the working, maintenance, operational problems and troubleshooting of the Inert
Gas Generator and secured grade A for the Internship.

After under graduation, I completed several short courses to keep myself up to
date with the latest technology and safety issues. The courses were
Liquified Gas Tanker, Chemical Tanker and Oil Tanker Familiarization courses. I
have recently finished some advanced courses namely Proficiency in Medical
First Aid, Adanced Fire Fighting and Proficiency in Survival Craft and Rescue
Boats and successfully cleared MEO Class 4 examination held by Government of

I am an official member of International High IQ Society and actively stay intouch with the community members.

asked Aug 03 '12 at 08:03 Gaurav Walia New member

1 answer


This is too long, with too many errors, to tackle here.


Break it up into paragraphs of 4-5 sentences and resubmit each one by one. We are volunteers here. I generally only respond to questions I am interested in and have time to answer.

link comment answered Aug 03 '12 at 19:59 Jeff Pribyl Grammarly Fellow

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