rephrase the sentence

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Change in my plan.. was supposed to travel in morning to Mumbai but now plan is to leavToday there is an Investiture ceremony for Class 1 & 2 in Srishti's school. We were informed yesterday about the same in Almanac. She did not wanted to miss it and was very enthusiastic about the entire ceremony. She is leading her section & also nominated as head prefect for Class 1.. not sure what they will do:).
Kids nowadays have an amazing decision power. We could not convince her to miss the program however to the contrary she convinced us either to change our program or leave her and carry on. We have now book tickets for night flight.

I have logged in now (late due to tickets booking etc) and will be working from home on

asked Aug 03 '12 at 07:19 Rinki New member

2 answers


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To quote Patty T.: I can't decide if this is a sentence, a paragraph, or an essay. You have far too many incomplete thoughts (and far too little punctuation) jumbled one after the other.  While
"train of thought" may be appropriate for informal writing such as an email between friends, this forum focuses on standard, formal English.

 

I'm sorry, but there are so many things wrong with your sample -- I just can't find the energy needed to address the problems one by one.

 

Perhaps another will make the attempt..

link comment answered Aug 04 '12 at 01:22 Jeff Pribyl Grammarly Fellow
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My plan to travel to Mumbai has been scheduled for today instead of yesterday morning. There is an Investiture Ceremony for Class 1 & 2 at Srishti's School. . We were informed of the same at Almanac yesterday. Ms. Mary did not want to miss it. She was very enthusiastic about the entire ceremony. Ms. Mary is leading her section, and she has been nominated as head prefect for class 1. I am unsure what they will do. Children, nowadays, have an amazing decision power. We could not convince her to miss the program. However, to the contrary, she convinced us either to change our program or to leave her and carry on with our work. We now have to book tickets for the night flight. 

link edited Aug 07 '12 at 17:30 sanjay Expert

I have changed your paragraph and have included Ms. Mary to make your paragraph meaningful.

sanjayAug 07 '12 at 17:31

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