sentence structure

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do you have any idea how to improve my sentence?

See example:

As the development of technology grows rapidly, method to capture 3D data is moving towards generating reality model, fast data acquisition & accurate result.
asked Jul 31 '12 at 20:49 rizka akmalia New member

1 answer


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You sentence has several problems that cloud its meaning.


Development, as used in your sentence, is a noun meaning the process of growth or advance. Growth is the result of the process. The process, in itself, cannot grow. Perhaps you mean --> As technology develops … or As technology rapidly develops ….


In its present form, your sentence refers to technology in general However, the context of the sentence suggests you mean a specific technology (3D data capture). If this is the case, you need to place the definite article “the” before technology --> As the technology rapidly develops ….


Are you describing a single method, or multiple methods? If you mean just a single method, then --> the method to capture 3D data is moving …. If you mean multiple methods, then --> methods to capture 3D data are moving ….


The conclusion of your sentence is a mixed muddle. Capture methods do not, by themselves, generate reality models. Capture methods require fast data acquisition – that is, fast data acquisition is a requirement for the capture method, but your sentence suggests that it is the result. A comma is required after acquisition. The ampersand & is not used in formal writing -- use “and”.


Do you mean a single reality model, or multiple models? If just one, then “generating a reality model.” If multiple  models, then “generating reality models”.
 

Because your meaning is unclear, I am guessing here. Perhaps:

 

As the technology rapidly develops, 3D data capture is utilizing faster data acquisition methods, thus allowing the generation of more accurate reality models.
 

I hope this helps.

link comment answered Aug 01 '12 at 01:59 Jeff Pribyl Grammarly Fellow

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