Please skim through this letter and give your comments, Sir
Dear Mr. Rajesh,
I take pleasure in writing this letter to you on behalf of our students. The purpose of this letter is to seek your permission to let my students visit your manufacturing unit, which I have been planning for the past 10 days. This program is organized, especially, in the behalf of the final year B.com and B.BM students of our college.
As per requirement of the subject BB 16(Seminar and Field Trips), the 5th year B.com and B.BM Students are required to visit plants, manufacturing industries, assembly plants, and the likes in their field. If permitted, the group composed of 40 students and lecturers will be visiting your company on August, 28, 2012. This will supplement the various theories acquired in the classroom for a simultaneous understanding and application.
I hope that this request will merit your most favorable response. Thank you in advance for your time and consideration. In the meantime, if you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me at (080) 222-0105. Respectfully yours,
sanjay
Expert
1 answer 
Sanjay, why have you spent 10 days planning an event on a very specific date if you don't yet have permission from the company? Perhaps you made tentative plans with an employee, but need to put the request in writing to a supervisor. If so, then say so. If not, this comes across to me much the same as this would:
"Hey, six of us have been planning for a week to come to your house for dinner tonight. We are really looking forward to your cooking a nice meal for us. Is that okay with you? We'll be there at 6:00."
Instead of we will be visiting (demanding), it should be we would like to visit (asking permission).
Watch your capitalization. Is the name of the class "Seminar and Field Trips"? If not, those words are not proper nouns.
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answered Jul 17 '12 at 21:14
Patty T
Grammarly Fellow
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I can't thank you enough. Now, I can work on your suggestions.
BB16 is the code of the subject. Seminar and Field Trips is the name of the subject.
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