Could you improve this paragraph?
I requested the duty nurse to treat my friend at once , but she was reluctant to do so without the doctor’s consent. I thought of another friend of mine Suresh who was a doctor to treat him. Instead of gatecrashing, I messaged him and asked for his help. After receiving my message, he called me in a New York minute and asked me to bring along my friend to her residence. Without wasting too much time, I took my friend Sandeep to his house, where he recovered after the treatment after a half and an hour. Finally, I thanked my friend Suresh for his timely help and returned home the next day.
Sentence #1: Do not place spaces before commas.
Sentence #2: Same thing as Sentence #1. There should be a comma after "mine", since "Suresh" is an appositive after a long descriptor. The infinitive "to treat" doesn't make sense here; I would probably say something like, "I thought of another friend of mine, Suresh, who was a doctor and may have been able to treat him."
Sentence #4: "In a New York minute" seems too casual for this context. You could say "right away" or "immediately".
Sentence #6: Omit the word "and".
Lastly, please post smaller questions. They will achieve faster and better replies.
|link||answered Jun 10 '12 at 05:04 Jonathon VS New member|
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