Could you improve this paragraph?
I requested the duty nurse to treat my friend at once , but she was reluctant to do so without the doctor’s consent. I thought of another friend of mine Suresh who was a doctor to treat him. Instead of gatecrashing, I messaged him and asked for his help. After receiving my message, he called me in a New York minute and asked me to bring along my friend to her residence. Without wasting too much time, I took my friend Sandeep to his house, where he recovered after the treatment after a half and an hour. Finally, I thanked my friend Suresh for his timely help and returned home the next day.
sanjay
Expert
1 answer 
Sentence #1: Do not place spaces before commas.
Sentence #2: Same thing as Sentence #1. There should be a comma after "mine", since "Suresh" is an appositive after a long descriptor. The infinitive "to treat" doesn't make sense here; I would probably say something like, "I thought of another friend of mine, Suresh, who was a doctor and may have been able to treat him."
Sentence #4: "In a New York minute" seems too casual for this context. You could say "right away" or "immediately".
Sentence #6: Omit the word "and".
Lastly, please post smaller questions. They will achieve faster and better replies.
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answered Jun 10 '12 at 05:04
Jonathon VS
New member
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Thanks a lot. I sent you this short paragraph to improve my writing skill. I have been improving my writing skill with the help of the experts. They are very cooperative and helping me at each stage to further my skills. Thank you very much.
Thanks a lot.
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