Research among Pueblo Indians
I am doing research on the ways Pueblo Indians represnt their identiy.
Identities within these Pueblos may differ, and as a result it will be essential to see how the Indian Pueblo Cultural Center is able to represent any similarities or differences among these groups.
Suzanne, the main issue with your sentence is its wordiness. The same thought can be conveyed much more concisely. But first, let's deal with one format issue and one conceptual issue.
In your paper, you are going to need to distinguish between Pueblo as a proper name and pueblo as the Spanish synonym for village or town. The proper name should be capitalized while the synoym for town should not. It is not entirely clear which is intended by your sentence. The sentence structure suggests that town might be implied, while the capitalization suggests you mean the people.
Partially for the purpose of clarity and partially to avoid the term "Indian" -- which is seen by some as derogatory -- anthropologists prefer the term Puebloan Peoples. Peoples is plural because the Puebloan grouping is a modern "European" construct used to describe separate pueblo-living tribal groups. While it can be a challenge, it is possible to avoid "Indian" altogether. Besides Native American, native people, first people, and aboriginal people have been offered as substitutes. Also, the pueblo names -- Zuni, Taos, Hopi, Acoma, etc. -- can be used.
Take a look at the following parts of your sentence:
"Identities within these Pueblos" --> do you mean "between these pueblos"? If you mean "within," you will be writing about how not all Zuni share the same identity. If you mean "between", you will be writing about the similarities and difference between the Hopi and Taos.
"may" is wishy-washy. Either identities differ or they don't.
"it will be essential to see how" is wordy and weak. Perhaps "this paper will examine how" or (if acceptable to your teacher) "we will examine how".
"is able to represent" can be replaced by "represents".
"any similarities or differences among these groups" is wordy and redundant. Replace "among these groups" (it should be "between these groups") with the possessive "their" as follows: "their similarities or differences."
"Identities between these pueblos differ, and as a result, we will examine how the Indian Pueblo Cultural Center represents their similarities or differences."
|link comment||answered May 23 '12 at 04:27 Jeff Pribyl Grammarly Fellow|
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