How can I correct a punctuation within a sentence

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Without Toni’s contribution in the album, the sisters are bickering and complaining about the album because they have a feeling that throughout the seasons, Tony is being selfish and unreasonable regarding the album issue.

asked May 15 '12 at 10:14 gerri New member

1 answer


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This is a bit confusing.  I'm going to break it into two sentences and see if I can make sense of it. 

 

     Without Toni’s contribution in the album, the sisters are bickering and complaining about the album.  They have a feeling that, throughout the seasons (sessions?), Tony is being selfish and unreasonable regarding the album issue.

 

You have two different people with the same name.  Is the second Tony a typo?  Or is Tony a different person?

 

     Without Toni's contribution to the album --> means Toni is not contributing to the album.  This causes the other sisters to bicker and complain.  But you lose me after that.  Assuming the second Tony is a typo, are the sisters complaining because Toni is not contributing to the album?  Or are they complaining because Toni is being selfish and unreasonable?  Why is Toni being selfish and unreasonable if she is not contributing to the album? 

 

Those are an awful lot of questions for the reader to ask.  Keep in mind, Gerri, that you are the writer and I am the reader.  Readers aren't supposed to ask questions.  I don't know what is in your head either (I can't answer those questions).  I suggest breaking it down into several sentences, each sentence about one thought.  If you still need help after that, feel free to repost.

link comment answered May 15 '12 at 14:11 Jody M. Expert

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