I do not understand how to write a more concise letter.
How to change it to a more concise letter?
Dear Miss Lee,
Application for Post of Personal Secretary
Regarding your recent application for the post of Personal Secretary in the above firm, it is our pleasure to inform you that you have been successful in securing the post.
We trust that it would not be presumptuous on our part to assume that you will accept this offer. In the event that you do in fact accept, we should appreciate it if you would advise us when you anticipate commencing.
In any event, may we request of you that you contact this firm at an early date to indicate whether you wish to avail yourself of this offer.
May we take this opportunity to congratulate you on your success.
Hero of the day
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