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so how do i change it ?

See example:

In this paper, I am going to be talking about why Persepolis is dangerous- how it is written for a western audience- something that the Iranian regime do not approve of.
asked May 04 '12 at 17:53 kiki New member

1 answer


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You sentence has four issues. Your verb "am going to be talking", your use of dashes to link separate thoughts without really trying them together for the reader, your verb "do" does not agree in number with "regime", and you end the sentence with a preposition. Also, Persepolis is a book title and should be italicized.

 

"am going to be talking about" can be replaced by "will talk about".  Since this is most likely a paper, "talk" may not be appropriate. "will write about" is more accurate, but feels clunky. "will discuss" is better.

 

Consider replacing your first em-dash (after "dangerous") with a semi colon and dropping the "how". This divides your sentence into two independent clauses joined by the semi colon. Yes, the em-dash can substitute for the semi colon, but since you use it later to substitute for a comma, the mixture is confusing.

 

"Regime" is singular, so the verb should be "does", not the plural "do".

 

Conservative grammarians frown upon ending sentences with prepositions. However, others do not see this as a hard and fast rule -- they cite usages where the ending is necessary and the alternative is worse. Nevertheless, nearly everyone agrees, in most cases such an ending structure is usually awkward.  Your ending is awkward. There are a number of alternatives, but they all change the meaning slightly -- rejects, discourages, opposes ...

 

In this paper, I will discuss why Persepolis is dangerous; it is written for a western audience-- something the Iranian regime rejects.

 

Hope this helps.

link comment answered May 04 '12 at 18:51 Jeff Pribyl Grammarly Fellow

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