Isn't it meaningless? Sentence marked in Bold

0

Now, in the recording in the background you might hear the sound of rain because  today I am in Hawaii and it is raining. I’m  sitting outside on a porch on the Island of  Maui and it’s raining outside. It’s beautiful.  There are green tropical trees and bushes all around. It’s a nice setting to talk to you today.

asked May 04 '12 at 07:38 sanjay Expert

Well, Sanjay, this isn't a well-written article. I would have understood if the writer had been a non-native speaker, but an American. . .well, there's no excuse for that. "Rain" is mentioned three times in two sentences. This must be text to go with an audio recording; otherwise, I don't know what to make of "recording".

Jody M.May 04 '12 at 13:05

add comment

2 answers


1

Sanjay, let's pick the paragraph apart. It reads like a transcript of a podcast, and so, it contains many of the redundancies and wordy phrase common in speech. We will correct it for z better written form.

 

"Now" is unnecessary, as is "in the recording".  We could easily start with "In the background, you can hear."

 

"the sound of rain" --> "sound" is unnecessary because we are told we can hear it --> "you can hear rain."

 

We need to add a comma after Hawaii. Otherwise, the sentence is a run-on.

 

"and it is raining" is redundant, but I believe it is necessary to convey the writer's meaning. Let's leave it.

 

"outside" --> The writer has problems because she is sitting inside the porch (or under the porch's roof) which is outside of the house, but not really outside in the rain.  As you can see, this not really outside but not really inside condition is hard to describe. Perhaps "I'm sitting on a porch on the Island of Maui, and it's raining 0utside." Notice that a comma must be added  after Maui to correct the run-on sentence.

 

"In the background, you can hear rain because today I am in Hawaii, and it is raining. I'm sitting on a porch on the island of Maui, and it's raining outside. It’s beautiful.  There are green tropical trees and bushes all around. It’s a nice setting to talk to you today."

 

Notice the added commas and capitalization.  

link answered May 04 '12 at 16:15 Jeff Pribyl Grammarly Fellow

Excellent. Many thanks.

sanjayMay 07 '12 at 08:25

add comment
0

It's redundant.  It's raining was stated in the previous sentence.  Is this your writing, Sanjay? Or is it something you're reading and that part jumped out at you? I ask because I have some suggestions for the rest of the paragraph, but I don't know if it's yours.

      

    

    

link answered May 04 '12 at 12:15 Jody M. Expert

I agree, and even "outside" is unnecessary. Where else does it usually rain? If it was raining inside, that would be worth noting.

CourtneyMay 04 '12 at 12:20

An american has written an article in a news letter magazine. It is not my write up.

sanjayMay 04 '12 at 12:28

add comment

Your answer


Write at least 20 characters

Have a question about English grammar, style or vocabulary use? Ask now to get help from Grammarly experts for FREE.