Wordiness

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How to improve it:

 

I am hard working. Among my other strengths are positive attitude, keenness to learn new things, comprehensive problem solving abilities, willingness to learn, flexibility, enthusiasm towards team work and goal oriented.

asked May 03 '12 at 15:31 Rahul Gupta Expert

3 answers


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Rahul, these are the wordy (in this case, redundant) parts of your statement. You repeat "keenness to learn" by saying "willingness to learn." Also, when you say "among" you really don't need to also say "other" before "strengths." By definition, you learn "new things" -- so that need not be repeated.

 

There are a couple of changes I recommend to make it a stronger statement.

 

I am an enthusiastic, hard-working, goal-oriented team player. Among my strengths are a positive attitude, a keenness to learn, and flexibility.

link answered May 03 '12 at 15:48 Jeff Pribyl Grammarly Fellow

Thanks a lot.The use of "a" before "positive" and "keenness" sounds a little odd to me. Can it be bettered even.

Rahul GuptaMay 04 '12 at 14:35

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I would go with Jeff's changes, but I would either change "keenness" with "willingness", or tweak it to say that you are a fast learner. It says more towards your ABILITY to learn than being WILLING to learn. The is a key difference, it doesn't matter to a potntial employer that you are willing to do it, if you are unable to do it.  I hope that helps!

link comment answered May 03 '12 at 16:08 Tony Proano Expert
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It's hard to make this less wordy without leaving out some important information. However, with a few changes, you can make it flow better. I deleted "willingness to learn" because it is the same is "keenness to learn new things".

 

I  am hard working. Among my  strengths are my positive attitude, keenness to learn new things, comprehensive problem solving abilities, flexibility, enthusiasm towards team work, and goal orientation.

link comment edited May 07 '12 at 08:57 sanjay Expert

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