what wrong with paragraph

0

When I reflect on a recent negative face-to face communication experience I am reminded of asking one of my co-workers a week in advance, if he would switch days with me so that I could go out of town to a funeral. The coworker made a verbal agreement with me. I thought everything was set at this point. I worked the following Tuesday and Wednesday nigh for the co-worker. I called in to notify the office the day that I was not coming in and that someone was coming in my place. Around 10: 15 p.m. that I received a call that he had not showed up to for work. We were short of help and this meant that that person would have to work a double. I immediately I

called my co-worker, he did not pick up the phone. I left several voice messages. I was not pleased with his part of the agreement. My brother asked what was wrong with me. I guess he could sense I was angry. According to Dobkin & Pace, (2006), “When you feel angry or confused, your face reflects your emotional state. Much nonverbal communication is intrinsic or inherently connected to our inner feelings or emotions”.Ten minutes later, I got a call that he was at work he over slept.. I was relieved. that my shift was being covered. Although, the situation, worked out, if this message was an online situation, t would have been different because proof of an agreement. Whereas, using face to face communication, the word of mouth c easily be disputed.

Reference”

Dobkin, B.A. & Pace, R.C. (2006). Communication in a Changing World. McGraw Hill Company, Inc. New York, Ny..

See example:

When I reflect on a recent negative face-to face communication experience I am reminded of asking one of my co-workers a week in advance, if he would switch days with me so that I could go out of town to a funeral.
asked Apr 25 '12 at 01:57 jerry edwards New member

1 answer


0

Jerry, usually we only help out with one or two sentences at a time. The errors in this paragraph are too numerous to address on this forum.  You have spelling and punctuation errors, run-on sentences and other issues. 

 

The word "I" is used 16 times.  This is WAY too many times, even if your assignment was to discuss a personal experience.  Also, you are not reflecting on an experience, you are reporting on a series of events.  To reflect upon the experience, you need to think deeply, give an opinion about how that experience relates to the topic at hand.  A listing of the details of what happened isn't likely what your instructor wants to know. 

link comment edited Apr 25 '12 at 13:57 Patty T Grammarly Fellow

Your answer


Write at least 20 characters

Have a question about English grammar, style or vocabulary use? Ask now to get help from Grammarly experts for FREE.