Please comment on the writing. Many thanks!

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In my garden, the sky is blue and the air is fresh. Flowers are blooming everywhere.  I can smell the fragrance of them.  The grass is green.  It is as soft as a bed to lay down.  Two lovely rabbits are on the grass. They are racing happily.  There are some fish swimming joyfully in the pond. I can hear the birds singing sweetly.  The butterflies are colourful. They are dancing beautifully.  I want to dance with them. Look!  This is my dream garden. 

edited May 12 at 14:43 Paula Lui New member

1 answer


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I'm not sure what sort of comments you are looking for, Paula.  We don't proofread or edit here and ask you to keep it to a couple sentences, but I'll give you a few notes. 

 

You need a comma before the conjunction in the first sentence.  The phrase "as soft as a bed" really doesn't need "to lay down" because you are describing how soft it is, not what a bed is for.  If you want to keep that part, change lay to lie.  If your readers are children in second or third grade, the rest is fine.  If your readers are adults, you need to write at a higher level.

link answered May 12 at 20:19 Patty T Grammarly Fellow

Patty, thanks a lot!

Paula LuiMay 13 at 04:49

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