less wordy

-1

how can i rephrase make it less wordy

See example:

Thus, effective activism on the issue of women's political representation has to operate either within the main political parties or directed at the parties most often via other established organisations which operate within or in close association with a political party such as Trade Unions and government agencies (Lovenduski, 2013).
asked May 02 at 12:25 davin New member

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0

To reduce wordiness, make sure that every phrase is providing more information or clarity.  To avoid redundancy, look for words or phrases that are used more than once.  Use words that are more concise than longer phrases.

 

activism on the issue of = activism for (or against) In addition to reducing words, for or against provides information on the stance the activism is taking.

 

has to operate = must operate

 

You have misplaced either in this sentence.  When you use the either ... or construction, both parts have to be parallel.  You need to say something like "Either verb this or verb that" or (if the verb is the same for both) "Either prepositional phrase or prepositional phrase."  You wrote "verb either prepositional phrase or verb that."  You also have the same object of the preposition.  Since they are the same, you don't have to be redundant here.  

 

... must either operate within or direct activity toward the main political parties.

 

The second half of your sentence (starting with most often) seems to be describing how to do the latter.  I would make it a separate sentence, though it seems to say an identical thing - operate within or in close association. 

 

I hope that helps.

link comment answered May 02 at 18:34 Patty T Grammarly Fellow

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