Research paper

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I am having issues restructuring the follow sentence.

See example:

There are several aspects of media that need drastic changes as media has become a major aspect of the culture in America, we the people must seek to take control of the issues troubling us most by ensuring the United States government seize control of what they wish to show us going on in the world, as well as every one taking responsibility for what media we consume, and ensuring that our successors make the proper decisions in what media should be consumed.
asked Apr 25 at 01:56 raymond gonzalez New member

2 answers


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As Allen pointed out, this is a run on sentence. You are trying to fit an entire paragraph into one sentence. His rewrite is only slightly less messy because he kept all of your wordiness. Much of this passage is meaningless. You just keep piling on words without any information. First, you say that media has several aspects, then you say that media is an aspect. That is not only redundant, but makes no sense and provides nothing but vagueness. Are you actually suggesting that the government seize control of the media and decide what can be shown? That is what you wrote. Think about what you really want to say. Make each sentence a complete thought. Include actual content to each sentence - words that give clarity and purpose.

link comment answered Apr 25 at 11:42 Patty T Grammarly Fellow
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I don’t fully understand what you’re trying to get across to the reader here, and it’s a bit convoluted as a whole.   It is also one big run on sentence, so it needs to be split up a bit. I tried to fix it without fully rewriting it in fear of losing your core meaning, but I feel you will need to do that.

Read this and see if it lost your meaning or not.

 

(There are several aspects of the media that is in need of drastic changes. The media has become a major aspect within the culture of America so much so that we the people must seek to take control of the issues troubling us.  We are ensuring that the United States government seizes control of the media, and we are allowing them to pick and choose what they wish to show us about what’s going on in the world. We even allow them to take responsibility for what media we consume. This is ensuring that our successors make the proper decisions in what media they should be consumed.)

 

I dont like it but I hope it help you find a way to fix it. good luck

link comment answered Apr 25 at 07:24 allen New member

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