Can someone comment on this sentences

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(1) As with rim modifications, tire designs which shift the modal frequency of the tire cavity outside of 200 – 250 Hz will decouple the structural and cavity resonant mode, reducing audible noise levels.  As such, potential solutions which modified the tire cavity were investigated.

 

(2) Production implementation of the cavity filled foam as a sound absorption material within the tire cavity needs to resolve the safety and durability issues.  The filled foam would  melt when exposed to high temperatures, be highly flammable and be able to emit toxic emissions.  Furthermore, inside the tire, the cavity is a high speed rotational environment which could result in the required replacement of the foam during vehicle servicing or tire replacement, thereby increasing the cost to consumers.

edited Apr 18 '12 at 01:23 zamri New member

1 answer


1

I see a couple minor corrections are necessary and improvements that may be desirable. I'm keeping the passive voice.

 

"As with rim modifications, tire designs that shift the tire cavity's modal frequency outside of 200 – 250 Hz will decouple the structural and cavity resonant modes, thus reducing audible noise levels.  As such, potential solutions which modified the tire cavity were investigated."
 

"Production implementation of the cavity-filled foam as a sound-absorption material <> needs to resolve the safety and durability issues.  The filled foam would  melt when exposed to high temperatures, be highly flammable, and <> emit toxic fumes.  Furthermore,<> the cavity is a high-speed rotational environment that could require replacement of the foam during vehicle servicing or tire replacement, thereby increasing the cost to consumers."

 

<> indicates where I've deleted something redundant or unnecessary. You've said "cavity-filled" so repeating "inside the tire" is redundant. "Be able to" is wordy. The following verb "emit" will suffice. "Emit emissions" is vague and redundant. Use "toxic fumes." Finally, "inside the tire" and "cavity" are redundant.

 

As a matter of logic and not grammar/usage, I'm not sure how being a high-speed rotational environment (cause) results in the need to replace the tires (effect). Perhaps something is missing.

link answered Apr 18 '12 at 05:55 Jeff Pribyl Grammarly Fellow

Dear Jeff Pribyl,

Thanks so much for your advice, i really appreciate it. I learned a lot from your answers.

Rgdszm

zamriApr 18 '12 at 06:03

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