Essay

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My mother and I get along pretty well. The reason we do is that me and her have a lot of respect for one another, and stick to this respect; even when we don't have quite so much respect for each other’s ideas. If you didn't respect one another, you'd argue a lot about ideas. For instance, we don't think at all the same about marriage. Take the whole idea of getting married, we start our differences there. My mother is all for it, she thinks everyone ought to be married. If there’s an adult over the age of twenty-five who wasn't married, my mother started trying to find somebody for them. In her eyes, nobody is a citizen, a complete person, or even a respectable human being, unless they are married. I don't say marriage isn't all right, for the right people but I could imagine going through life without ever experiencing it. I certainly won't be married at twenty-five. When it comes to premarital sex. There again we part company. My old-fashioned mother believes in virginity for girls and a little discreet experience for boys, she wants her daughters to march down the aisle in white satin that means one hundred percent pure guarantee and her sons to have a good time and then settle down with girls like that. This is not for me; I believe in living with you for a while before even thinking about marrying you. She’s also old fashion about fidelity and divorce after marriage, while I'm not. She wants no adultery and no divorce. If anyone can ever makes it living like that once, which I doubt, they certainly can't do it today. If I get married I'll give it my best try, and any deal I make I'll intend to keep but if I find I'm married to a welcher someone who don't keep the other end of the bargain, why should I be stuck for life. Luckily, as I said my mother and I love and respect one another, she doesn't push her beliefs on me and I don't flaunt mine in front of her. In the end, I hope her faith in me will always be justify but I doubt that I'll be doing the marriage bit her way.

 

Above is my essay, can you please help me revise, edit it? Can you help me put it into paragraphs, as well help me with my sentence structure, consistency of tense, person, and number, etc. Overall can you help me find the errors so I can fix them? Thanks!

asked Mar 17 at 21:00 Tyler McIntosh New member

Tyler, this is a community forum. There are no employees here. It is a discussion forum open to the general public. Those of us who participate here are not tutors, editors, or proofreaders. We do often help people edit a sentence or two, but your needs are beyond the scope of this forum. Grammarly has paid services, which you can find under the link at the bottom of the page. Your school might provide tutors who can help you learn about writing an essay.

Patty TMar 17 at 22:04

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2 answers


1

Patty T is correct; we can't cover the kind of tutoring needed to correct this  essay.  I can, however, point out some errors and offer some general advice.

1.  Grammar errors--"me and her" is incorrect.  When you're dealing with more than one pronoun ("me and her"), try just one pronoun at a time to see which "sounds correct."  Would you say "me have a lot of respect"?  No, you'd say, "I have a lot of respect," so "I" is the correct pronoun.  Likewise, you wouldn't say, "her have a lot of respect."  You'd say, "she has a lot of respect," which tells you "she" is correct.  Thus, the two pronouns should be "she and I have a lot of respect for each other."

2.  Diction-- This essay is too informal.  Avoid slang and colloquial wording such as "welcher" and "stuck for life."

3.  Diction--Avoid using second person "you." as in "living with you" and "marrying you."  Informally we might say "you" to mean people in general; however, in essays, "you" is not appropriate.  Instead, you should say something such as "living with someone."

4.  Paragraphing--This essay should not be all one paragraph.  Instead, start a new paragraph when you change focus, such as when you change focus from talking about marriage to talking about premarital sex.

5.  Sentence errors--There are several run-on sentences as well as several sentence fragments, as in "When it comes to premarital sex."  Fixing this fragment is easy; just combine it with the following sentence.  As for run-on sentences, keep in mind that you shouldn't combine two sentences with only a comma.  Instead, use a conjunction, a semi-colon, or a period.

link comment answered Mar 18 at 00:56 Dr. G Contributor
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How does this look:

 

(Paragraph 1) My mother and I get along pretty well.  The reason we do is that she and I have a lot of respect for each other for each other, and stick to this respect; even when we don't have much respect for each other’s ideas.  If you didn't respect one another, you'd argue a lot about ideas. 

(Paragraph 2) For instance, we don't think the same about marriage.  Take the whole idea of getting married, we start our differences there.  My mother is all for it, she thinks everyone  should be married.  If there’s an adult over the age of twenty-five who isn’t married, my mother
started trying to find somebody for them. In her eyes, nobody is a citizen, a complete person, or even a respectable human being, unless they are married.  I don't say marriage isn't all right for the right people but I could imagine going through life without ever experiencing it.  I certainly wouldn’t be married at twenty-five. 

(Paragraph 3) When it comes to premarital sex; there again we part company.  My old-fashioned mother believes in virginity for girls and a little discreet experience for boys. She wants her daughters to march down the aisle in white satin, which  means an one hundred percent pure guarantee, and her sons to have a good time and then settle down with girls like that.  This is not for me; I believe in living with someone for a while before even thinking about  marriage. 

(Paragraph 4) She’s also old fashion about fidelity and divorce after marriage, while I'm not.  She does not believe in adultery or divorce.  If anyone could ever make it living like that before, which I doubt, they certainly couldn’t do it today.  If I get married I'll give it my best try. Any deal I make I'll intend to keep, but if I find I'm married to someone who doesn’t keep the other end of the bargain, why should I be stuck for life.

(Paragraph 5) Luckily, as I said my mother and I love and respect one another, she doesn't push her beliefs on me and I don't flaunt mine in front of her.  In the end, I hope her faith in me will always be justified but I doubt that I'll be doing marriage her way.

 

Any changes I should make? 

link answered Mar 23 at 21:47 Tyler McIntosh New member

Tyler, I will repeat myself. You are posting in the wrong place. Your needs are beyond the scope of this forum. If you would like to ask about one or two sentences, we can discuss them. We do not look at entire essays for editing, proof reading, or tutoring. You need to find a local tutor at your school or library .

Patty TMar 24 at 04:35

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