Review sentence for verb form use
Any suggestions on how to word this in a novel:
Hope asked, "Dad, do you remember the comment I made, about their players working out year round, on their own time?"
See example:
Hope asked, "Dad, do you remember the comment I made, about their players working out year round, on their own time?
Marsha
New member
1 answer 
Another “throwing out the grammar rules” when writing conversation in a novel is the use of punctuation to help the reader know how the person sounds. As Tolley mentioned, the comma will indicate a pause or a breath. When a person asks a question, the inflection goes up at the end of the question. Though it is all one question, the person might pause between each phrase, as if they are asking three questions.
“Dad, do you remember the comment I made? About their players working out year round? On their own time?”
The last two are not complete sentences, but for conversation it is allowable. There are many ways to change the punctuation to indicate sound. How about this one?
"Dad, do you remember the comment I made? About-their-players-working-out-year-round-on-their-own-time!?!"
This follows no grammar rules, but you get the feeling that the person said the last part with urgency and alarm.
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answered Apr 14 '12 at 18:01
Patty T
Grammarly Fellow
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