Checking the accuracy of my paragraph below

0

I heard that you will be going for a holiday for few weeks.  Please let me know if I can be of any assistance in looking after the Stadium while you are away, and I would also be able to give Marilyn some help with her administrative work. If you have already found someone else, thats fine and all the best

asked Apr 14 '12 at 05:57 RAYAN New member

3 answers


0

That sounds like informal writing, so the rules are a little looser.  That said, the first sentence stands out the most to me.  I would omit "that" and use the simple present tense.

 

"I heard you are going..."

 

The other main thing that stands out to me is "thats."  Since that is short for "that is," you should either use the long form or add the missing apostrophe.  You might might want to break up the second sentence into two, though that is not really necessary.

link comment answered Apr 14 '12 at 07:44 Courtney Contributor
0

Rayan, try using the word "and" less often.  Though it is a conjunction used to put two parts together, it isn’t necessary to always string thoughts together.  It is unclear if helping Marilyn is a part of looking after the stadium or if that is a separate task.  Making this into two sentences would give more clarity on what you are offering.  In the last sentence, all the best is a closing phrase that should be separate.  As Courtney pointed out, that’s needs an apostrophe.  However, I would just delete the last sentence entirely.  The person going on holiday knows that it is fine if they already found someone else.  Your comment I effectively saying that you won’t take offense if they don’t need you to help out.  While it is wise to not take offense, it implies that the person may intend to be offensive in not choosing you.  Even if I think my boss doesn’t like me and would purposely not choose me in an offensive way, I would never allude to that. 

 

Other tweaks:
In the US, we call it going on vacation.  In the UK, it is on holiday.  I would use on rather than for a

You are missing an article before few weeks
Stadium is not a proper noun, and should not be capitalized.  If you use the name of the stadium, then it would be.

 

I heard that you will be going on holiday for a few weeks.  Please let me know if I can be of any assistance with looking after the stadium while you are away.  I can also help Marilyn with her administrative work if needed.  All the best, Rayan

link comment edited Apr 14 '12 at 23:28 Patty T Grammarly Fellow
0

Two minor changes: an apostrophe and a comma.

 

I heard that you will be going for a holiday for few weeks. Please let me know if I can be of any assistance in looking after the Stadium while you are away, and I would also be able to give Marilyn some help with her administrative work. If you have already found someone else, that's fine, and all the best.

link comment answered Apr 26 '12 at 03:59 sanjay Expert

Your answer


Write at least 20 characters

Have a question about English grammar, style or vocabulary use? Ask now to get help from Grammarly experts for FREE.