Do these sentences make sense? This is character dialogue for a short story. Thanks.

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"I won't quit till you stumble, and drop, and you fall to the ground" 

"You will stumble and drop soon and fall to the ground" 

"You will start to drop soon, and fall to the ground" 

 

 

THIS IS A SHORT STORY ABOUT A BOXER. I KNOW ITS NOT REALLY FORMAL GRAMAR BUT DOES IT MAKE SENSE? PLEASE LET ME KNOW. THANKS!

edited Feb 28 at 23:54 jon New member

1 answer


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"to fall" and "to drop to the ground" are basically the same thing and therefore should not be used together in this way. Other than that, none of the sentences are something I would expect to hear from a native English speaker. But then again, not all boxers are native English speakers.

link answered Mar 01 at 16:57 Peter Valk Contributor

Hey thank you so much for getting back to me! I have one more quick question. Would this make more sense…. "I won't stop till you stumble, and drop, and you fall to your knees" Thanks so much!

jonMar 01 at 18:43

The answer to this follow up question is the same as Peter's answer. To "drop" and to "fall to your knees" is redundant. A native speaker might say "Stumble and drop to your knees." If you leave the wording as it is, the first comma should not be there. Look up the rules for punctuation if you are uncertain.

As Peter noted, perhaps your character is not a native speaker. For dialogue, you can have a character say anything - it does not have to be grammatically correct if that is how the person speak. Informally, people stutter, are redundant, use slang, or even have little command of proper grammar.

Patty TMar 01 at 19:18

Thanks a lot.

jonMar 01 at 21:59

Patty, I would have clicked "like" if such an option existed. Since it doesn't, I will just say thank you for extending and clarifying my answer.

Peter ValkMar 02 at 18:21

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