I need an assistance to proof read my work and make the necessary corrections.

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I need a help to proof read my work. please advise.

Thanks

See example:

With reference to this review, I am with the opinion that complete eradication of tobacco and its related products in the environment would significantly lower asthma poor condition in children, improve children quality of life, and greatly reduce health care utilization.
asked Apr 10 '12 at 16:38 Frederick Lumeh New member

1 answer


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"With reference to this review, I am with the opinion that complete eradication of tobacco and its related products in the environment would significantly lower asthma poor condition in children, improve children quality of life, and greatly reduce health care utilization."

First, we'll look at your sentence and make only minimal word changes. "I am with the opinion ..." should be "I am of the opinion ..." "... improve children quality of life, ..." should be " improve children's quality of life, ..." Finally, "health care utilization" as used here is a compound adjective that should receive a hyphen "health-care utilization".

 

Your sentence is very long and contains a number of wordy or redundant uses.  The length of the sentence makes it confusing and hard to read. Several suggestions:

 

"With reference to this review," --> suggest deleting unless the context demands. If this were a review of another review, saying "With reference to this review, the author" might be appropriate. But if it is a reference to your review, it is not necessary.

 

"I am of the opinion ..." --> suggest rewording to eliminate. The entire paper represents your opinion, so most usage experts consider this to be unnecessary and redundant.

 

" ... tobacco and its related products ..." --> if "tobacco products" carries the same meaning, use the shorter wording.

 

"... asthma poor condition in children ..." --> usually, we just say "asthma in children"

 

"The complete eradication of tobacco products in the environment would significantly reduce asthma in children, improve children's quality of life, and greatly reduce health-care utilization."

 

Hope this helps.

link comment edited Apr 10 '12 at 17:02 Jeff Pribyl Grammarly Fellow

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