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If I was a coach of a football team, I have to show positive leadership daily by being transparent with my players, school, media, and fans whereas this would hopefully transition throughout the NCAA football.

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If I was a coach of a football team, I have to show positive leadership daily by being transparent with my players, school, media, and fans whereas this would hopefully transition throughout the NCAA football.
asked Feb 09 at 20:01 Reginald Jackson New member

1 answer


1

You have several problems with the sentence.

 

When you say, "If I was a coach," then the matching part to that needs to be, "I would have to ... ."

 

Also note that it may be proper to say, "If I were" instead of, "If I was."  Use was when there is some chance of the event becoming true.  When it is unrealistic, then use were.  If I wrote this sentence, I would definitely use were because there is no possibility I would ever be a football coach.

 

Whereas is not the word you want to use in this sentence.  It means 'in contrast." 

I prefer cake for desert, whereas the rest of my family prefers cookies.  I believe you want the same kind of leadership throughout the NCAA, not the opposite. 

 

In your sentence, this is used as a pronoun.  A pronoun should point back to something earlier in the sentence, and it should be clear to your readers.  It isn't very clear.  The word transition adds further confusion.  It just doesn't fit the context well.    I would make this last section another sentence.  Then you would have two cohesive thoughts.

 

If I were a college football coach, I would show positive leadership through transparency with the players, school, media, and fan.  Hopefully, this openness would spread throughout the NCAA.

link comment answered Feb 09 at 20:34 Patty T Grammarly Fellow

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