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I am trying to figure out why I keep receiving a squinting modifier for this sentence. Please assist. Thanks

The foods and beverages initially were high in fats and calories, so PepsiCo’s leaders formed a team that focuses on healthier measures to generate products for consumers who desire to live a healthier lifestyle.

See example:

The foods and beverages initially were high in fats and calories, so PepsiCo's leaders formed a team that focuses on healthier measures to generate products for consumers who desire to live a healthier lifestyle.
asked Apr 06 '12 at 13:20 Brenda Washington New member

1 answer


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Like Lewis, I'm not seeing the squinting modifier. But I do see a sentence that is unnecessarily long. The ending also feels strung together with a rhythym that is disconcerting.  Although my concern has its roots in grammar, my objection is really more "poetic." In the sample below, I've added <> to emphasis the "beats" of the sentence.

 

" ... <on healthier measures> <to generate products> <for consumers who desire> <to live a healthier lifestyle>"

 

Next, preparing products in a healthier fashion does not necessarily make the product itself healthier. And last, "live a healthier lifestyle" is redundant.

 

Taking all together, I suggest changing the ending to:

 

" ... on healthier prodeucts for consumers who desire a healthy lifestyle."

 

Hope this helps.

link comment answered Apr 06 '12 at 16:26 Jeff Pribyl Grammarly Fellow

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