The ancient people grew weary, sad and silent.

0

How do I rephrase this sentence, so that it has the same effect?

See example:

The ancient people grew weary, sad and silent.
asked Apr 06 '12 at 12:12 Sonja Pienaar New member

4 answers


1

How about something like "These once-proud people, still in their ancestral lands, were now tiring; their once proud voices now growing silent."

link comment answered Apr 06 '12 at 13:20 Deirdre Hebert New member
1

I agree with Lewis and Tolley. The brevity carries much power.  My only thought is to move weary to emphasize ancient ... although out of context, I can't tell whether it changes your meaning too much.

 

Also, if it is truly the end of the story, you might consider placing an ellipsis after sad ... emphasizing a pause, almost a sigh.

 

"The ancient, weary people grew sad ... and silent."    (The End)

link comment answered Apr 06 '12 at 16:08 Jeff Pribyl Grammarly Fellow
0

Are describing the San as they were at an earlier point in the history? Or are you simply taking the opportunity to identify the San as an ancient race. Difficult to understand the sentance out of context.

 

If the point is to say that the San grew weary and silent, why confuse the reader by introducing the fact that they are an ancient race? Is the point to say that they are weary or to say that they are ancient? The sentance seems to be multi-purpose, which often can lead to confusion. Pulling in different directions.

 

Otherwise, I agree that short is sweet.

 

How about: The people became somber.

 

Somber implies sad and silent.

link comment answered Apr 06 '12 at 14:07 George New member
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Add the Oxford comma. Sad and silent are two different conditions the ancient people developed. This statement infers that they can only be sad as long as they are silent. Should they no longer remain silent, they wold no longer be sad. I do not think this is what you meant.

 

Seeing as the San are decendent from an ancient race, it might also be correct to refer to them as "The ancient peoples..."

 

[Source - www.Merriam-Webter.com]

Peoples - 3rd person singular present, plural of people.
Noun:

1 - Human beings in general or considered collectively.

2- A body of persons that are united by a common culture, tradition, or sense of kinship, that typically have common language, institutions, and beliefs, and that often constitute a politically organized group
 

The ancient people grew A & B.

Where A = weary and B = sad and silent

or

The ancient people grew A, B, & C.

Where A = weary, B = sad, and C = silent.

(I hope that makes sense)

 

Ending with the statement:

The ancient peoples grew weary, sad, and silent.

link comment answered Apr 07 '12 at 01:06 Tony Proano Expert

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