Sonnet 130 literary analysis
Just need someone to proof read/peer edit this paragraph of my rough draft :)
In Sonnet 130 he uses not so attractive things to compare his woman to, like her hair to wires, creating an image in the readers mind of a very unattractive woman, The many insults to the subject make the reader question Shakespeare's love for her, to make fun of all conventional love poems women are subjected to.
Just so you know, this forum is not a proofreading or editing service. There are no employees here. Since you only have two sentences, though, I'll give you a hand.
You need a comma after 130.
Not so attractive is very awkward. If you want to avoid using a word twice (unattractive) use a thesaurus. There are some really good options for this one.
To remove some more awkwardness, consider being a bit more concise. Instead of "he uses (ugly) things to compare her to", try "he compares her to... ."
You used a comma to end the first sentence, but I'll assume that was a typo since you capitalized the next word.
Everything after the comma in the second sentence confuses me a bit. Who is making fun of love poems? The reader? Shakespeare? His love? Sonnet 130? There is just something that isn't fitting together right. I can't put my finger on it.
I hope that helps a bit.
|link comment||answered Jan 07 '14 at 03:13 Patty T Grammarly Fellow|
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